hackitude | ic contact (mask or menace)

Yeah? Are you a good cook?

[He is...not sure if this is teasing or mockery; confess to being tried for cannibalism, later asked if he can cook. Maybe it's just the conversation flowing along, but he's still imagining frying things that shouldn't be fried.]

I'm good with fish. Collards. Some beans and peas. Some breakfast foods. Chicken and dumplings aren't so bad, either. Nothing fancy. Where I live in my world is rather isolated. Can't order out a lot and I grew up with certain kinds of food, so why not learn a couple of recipes? Though I did figure out the perfect way to cook that oatmeal with the dinosaurs in it. That's gourmet-level culinary skills. You cook?

[Teasing. Always teasing, where Skye's concerned. It's how she communicates.]

Just bachelor chow mostly. My ex tried to teach me but I always figured why bother when he was so much better at it than me? And then I was living in a van, so... makes it kinda hard to cook.

["I don't eat anything with ears" was too much to say. Her not mentioning food in regards to his...accusations...must be teasing!]

You bother so when you break up, you take away more than potentially bad memories and your belongings. Get rid of him but keep the ability to cook more than you could before. [What he doesn't know: he'll do something similar later on. Just not with his ex-...romantic significant other.] You have housemates, don't you? Maybe some of them know how to cook and could teach you a few things. Eggs aren't difficult. You can always learn a few basics and work up from there.

What are you, my dad now? ... I can do eggs.

[Sort of.]

I just... don't like cooking for one. It always just seems like such a hassle. All that time prepping, and cooking... and then you're eating alone anyway, there's no one there to enjoy it with you or talk over dinner with. And then you've gotta clean up by yourself too.

I'M 38 I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR DAD

[Or qualified enough. Last time he was someone's "dad" that uh well that went really badly he'd rather NOT]

Then make enough for a few days, if you have to eat alone. You shouldn't have to do that here, though, should you? Gotta be someone where you're at that's tolerable enough to eat a meal or two a day with. My dogs always helped me clean.

Wow, Mr. G. That was a uh. Very strong reaction to what was almost definitely teasing.

... I haven't really uh... spoken much? With my housemates? It's getting kinda awkward.

No that would be: I'M 38 I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I waited til I couldn't see anyone before I went into my house my first day. Didn't speak to anyone for a while or even leave my room until I had to. Meeting new people is awkward but it's better sooner rather than later. Unless you just move elsewhere, but then you'll have to deal with more people. In government housing. You can move out of it but then you lose benefits.

You're not crash hot on the whole dad thing, huh? Don't picture yourself having kids?

[She's just going to... not... touch... the second and third paragraphs. Maybe if she ignores it it'll go away.]

I'd have to retire properly first. Find someone to settle down with. Must love dogs. Probably be better being a stepfather than anything else.

[Oh, what the future holds. He realizes her getting the hell away from the last topic, notes it for later.

Retire properly meaning not being forced into retirement because of being a cannibalistic serial killer, of course.]

You want kids?

Yeah... not so much. I wouldn't know the first thing about good parenting. I got shuffled through the foster system so many times that I actually legitimately lost count of the number of families I went through. I mean-- if I sat down and listed them all out I could probably come up with the right number. I know it's more than ten and less than thirty. I kind of stopped caring after number three.

I'd probably end up screwing up any kid of mine for life. ... But I wouldn't mind settling down with someone else. That much would be nice.

The foster system is imperfect. Not that there's any perfect system, but it has a plethora of issues and many of them don't have anything to do with the child. That's one of the problems, not taking the child into consideration as much as they should be. Having bad parents or no parents or fifteen fake parents that didn't do well or "right" by a kid doesn't mean the kid can't be better than that. People who recognize mistakes were made and work to learn from them and fix them as opposed to repeat the cycle are the ones I'd want to see adopt or foster. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. Make sure they can cook more than bachelor food. Total deal-breaker if they can't.

... Yeah. I know. I mean-- I know that now. I didn't... for a long time. I kinda wish I'd had someone say that to me when I was younger. So... thanks. From younger-me. Turns out... none of it is really applicable to me anyway, but... I appreciate it all the same. It's still good to hear.

And duh. I'm obviously going to settle down with an ace chef and make him cook for me every day.

Tell younger-you she's welcome from some old not really cool dude who loooooooves dogs she'll meet in some sort of alternate dimension involving hover cars and superpowers and all sorts of nonsensical shit. Or crap, depending on younger-you's thoughts on such bad language. Not a bad goal. I know someone back home who was a gourmet. Enjoyed cooking, too. Get someone who enjoys cooking, you're set. Even if they're not a gourmet. Just make sure they're good.

Are you kidding? Pretty sure younger-me could have set a world record for dropping the f-bomb. I was a pretty angry teenager. Like. Even *for a teenager*.

A gourmet? Are you serious? Geez. Where can I get me one of those. Old Man G-Dog's got game after all!

I don't know what the f-bomb is. Is that like the a-bomb? Are you a terrorist? Waiting to drop your bombs here, too? Let me know when you're gonna fuck up Heropa so I can move to De Chima, please. Maybe you could go to some five-star restaurant and get friendly with the waitstaff, meet one of the chefs, and go from there. Not sure they use dating sites. Instachef? That makes me sound like an aftershave/deodorant.

I'm such a terrorist. You don't even know.

[Skye has a little laugh to herself about that one, because in fact SHIELD has now been classified as a terrorist organisation by the US government back home. So she is, in fact, a terrorist according to them. Ha ha ha. So funny.]

No fucking up big cities though. That's not my style.

And you laugh, but that's actually not a completely terrible plan. You watch. I'm gonna do that now.

Of course I don't know. People can say they're just about anything and unless can prove otherwise, what choice is there but to believe them or be declared paranoid?

[o p t i m i s m]

Just fuck up the little towns where people work hard to make ends meet and the diner is open late for locals. Got it. Good luck with that.

Edited 2014-06-20 16:54 (UTC)

Please. Like I would take out innocent civilians. Should I be offended, Mr. G?

And hey, thanks. When I'm married to some great chef I'll invite you over for dinner and you can be super jealous.

"innocent" I don't think that's a good idea. Tasted gourmet food, what if his isn't up to par and he knows just by looking at my face? Awkward.

Ok bad word choice. Un-involved?

Omg Mr G. In this extremely silly hypothetical scenario, as if I would marry some *second rate* gourmet.

That's better. You'd have to shop around, wouldn't you? Date a bunch of gourmets to know who's best. Then you end up with an overweight guy because the better he cooks, the more he wants to eat. Sign of a good chef, I was always told.

[Because he was in Mississippi, duh.]

Yeah, maybe if he's southern. My last boyf was from Texas. I am *not* doing that again. Besides, summers in Texas are the WORST!

Haven't you ever heard about Southern gentlemen? They can be great catches. You're talking to one. Southern part is accurate. Not the rest.

[He's not really a gentleman, doesn't have enough time with people to use that as a descriptor. There's also the fact of the matter that his mouth can be a foul filthy thing.]

Awww. You're being harsh on yourself. You're plenty gentleman-like! When you want to be.

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